Matrixes of Happiness
by Krimzonrayne
Summary: ONE HOLD WON'T UPDATE What make a person happy? become a Hokage? Kill a certain man? To protect a precious person? To marry a certian Uchiha? Maybe not. Arm with stolen jokes, deadly new pranks and lame puns, Naruto is ready to walk the path of happiness!


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Matrixes of Happiness, by Krimzonrayne, The avatar of blood god.

Chapter One: Smile and laughers?

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, I'm only writing this fan fiction because a mad man is holding a gun to my head, demanding that I re-write Naruto in a more comedic light. Be warn, this story will contain a vast amount of lame puns, old jokes and extremely clich? plot devices.

Author's note: lol, it's funny cause it's true :). Anyway this is my second Naruto fics, it is written as stress relieves fic because my other fic (Truth about wisdom) is getting wayyy to depressing for me. Here, enjoy.

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Uzumaki Naruto was sitting by himself on a swing. This wasn't because he wanted to act like some mysterious person. No, that's something that stupid Sasuke kid would do. The reason he was alone was because no one wanted to be with him.

Although he wasn't the smartest kid in the block, he could tell that he was different. It wasn't hard, not with all the whispering, the harsh words and all the stares, the cold hard stares; he would've to be blind not to notice those.

Naruto sighed as he looked ruefully into at the crimson cast horizon, 'It's not fair. Why me? What did I ever do to them?'

"Come on mum; let me have another go at the swing." A loud cried sounded behind the blond hair boy. He turned around and saw a pair of what he assumed was a mother and her son. The kid, who seemed to be his age, broke out into a run. He was heading towards Naruto and the swings.

The woman caught up her son and admonished the boy for running, but the slight grin on her face betrayed her true emotion. She let him goes but not before telling him that he has ten minutes and after that they have to go. The grin turned into a full blown smile as she watched her child climbed onto a swing with joy radiating from his face.

Then she saw him.

To the blond despair, the woman reacted much like everyone else did and before he knew what happened, she already had ushered her son away from the swing while whispering furiously to him. Although Naruto couldn't hear what was being said, he can tell by the tone of her voice, it was desperate and fearful.

As the pair practically ran off, the boy quietly pulled his legs up and wrap him arms around them. He tried to cry out but the tears wouldn't come. It has been happing too often for far too long and now... and now the pain of loneliness was just another sensation to him, one that wave over him like waves, waves that's constant and never ending.

"Oi kid, why are you crying?"

Naruto didn't respond, he just slowly lifted his head off his arms and let whoever asked see him face. After all, if he/she knew who he was then... then they wouldn't care anymore.

"Such a sad look of such a young face, what is this world coming to?" The voice, which although quite soft, was definitely male said.

Seeing that the man didn't react like all the other, Naruto slowly got off the swing and turned around. It wasn't surprising for him to see that the owner of the voice was one he has never seen before. The man looked to be around thirty and despite the fact the he was quite burly, the blond kid didn't feel slightly threatened in the least when he started walking towards him. But then again it could just be that the many beating he received from drunken villagers has sky rocketed his fear threshold to well above what normal for kids.

"Tell me kid, why are you sitting here all by yourself? Don't you think your parents are worrying about where you are?" The tall and burly man asked as he sat on one of the swing. It groaned under his weight since it was designed for little kids and teenagers, not a fair-sized adult.

Naruto watched him cautiously and after deciding not to mess up his first chance at befriending someone, sat back down on the swing beside the man. The boy stared at his feet uncomfortably before mumbling his reply.

"I don't have parents or anyone that would be worry where I am."

The man looked at the boy as he fidgeted and shifts under his gaze. "Of course you do kid, I mean who feeds you and look after you when you sick and all that crap?"

"...I've been looking after myself for as long as I can remember."

The man stared at him in disbelief for a second, then for the first time since he began talking to the boy, he realized just how ragged he looked. The little kid, who couldn't have been more than seven, looked like he was made of skins and bones. The oversized orange coat which seemed like a prank birthday present that got thrown away hung loosely on his malnutrition frame.

'This is outrageous. How could the Sandaime over looked this kind of treatment on a kid like this?' The man thought as he was about to offered the boy a meal and money for clothing. He opened his mouth then was left hung opened as he saw a peculiar glint in the boy's eyes. It took him about a second to recall when he has seen it before.

'Oh Kami... they wouldn't do that to a kid would they? Not like this... not without parents or guardians to help him...' His trail of thought was cut as he was reminded of another village in the wind country to so far from here. A picture of a red headed boy with sand billowing around him entered the man's mind for a second. '...they did. Oh Kami, those bastards... they did.'

The man's eyes lost that distant looks as his mind once again became focus on the present. He looked at the boy sitting beside him for a bit before coming to a conclusion. It was obvious that his malnutrition and povortative condition is not critical and not immediately life-threatening. It was the boy's mental health that needs urgent attention. By that glint in his mind it won't belong before his mind snap. The man looked down at the boy with a sad smile on his face and whispered softly.

"Kid, I'm going to share with you a wisdom that mankind has sought after for as long as they've existed. A secret so powerful it would set anyone free of all their troubles, all their nightmares and all their pains no matter what kind of situation they're in. That secret is..." The man paused for dramatic affect.

The blond kid stared at the man with a mixture of wonder and caution, although he was open minded and has always believed that someone would treat him better, the thought of someone sharing something so powerful to HIM was mind-boggling.

"... the Matrixes of Happiness."

Naruto frowned. Despite had never been given a proper schooling, he pride himself in his resourcefulness and had grasp an understanding of some kind for almost every words he has came across. Matrix was not one of those words.

"...what is 'matrix'?" The golden haired boy asked.

"...well? What is it?"

"Matrix basically means a substance which made up something. For example the matrix of this seat," He said in a drone voice and patted the seat he was sitting on. "is wood."

"So the Matrixes of Happiness are what make people happy." The boy said as he understood what the man was getting at.

"Yes"

"...well?" The boy asked impatiently after a period of silence which he just spent starring at the odd man who was apparently oblivious to the fact that he was waiting.

"Well what?" The man replied with annoying obviously-fake I-am-innocent smile.

"What is this so-called 'matrix of happiness' crap?" The boy all but yelled out in irritation.

"Oh that's easy, you just..." The man paused and plastered a big, teeth flashing, banana-shaped smile on his face before continuing. ".. smiles and laughter!"

Being kicked out from the Orphanage at the tender young age of four and was left to fend himself on the street, Naruto was, for the first time in his life, introduced to an un similar and somewhat painful sensation of being face planted to the ground.

"WHAT!" In a flash, Naruto was up and yelling in the man's face.

The man just smile as he brought his hand up and tapped the bottom of the boy's chin, causing him to reflexively shut his mouth and biting his own tongue.

"Gahh!" The blond kid screamed as he rubbed his tongue furiously, that hurt! "Whad did dyou do dat for dyou old dgeezer?"

"Because it's funny?" The man asked with an eye's brow raised.

Naruto directed a glare that ends all glares at the man while mentally pictures him burning. Suddenly, to Naruto's horror the chuckling man burst into flame!

"Gah! I didn't really mean it. I swear I didn't!" The boy screamed as he frantically pat at the burning man. The boy pulled off his garishly bright orange coat and used it to put out the fire, but it seem like he was too slow as the body dropped to the ground and stop moving.

Slowly, inches by inches the boy crept towards the smoldering pile of black, soot-covered 'thing' on the ground and began poking at it with a stick which appeared out of no where. Naruto's face turned ashen white as he poked at the body once again. This time it twitched. His eyes widened as one of 'ITS' hands shot out and grabbed his arm.

"AHHH ZOMBIES!" The boy screamed in terror as the black monster held onto his limp and wouldn't let go. It slowly got up and started...laughing? Naruto stared at the man (something which he has been doing A LOT in the pass ten minutes or so) as he used his free hand to wiped away the soot on his face. The man, who was obviously alive, flashed him that freakishly wide smile once again showed the boy two object which he has hidden in his palms.

"Quick burn oil and an ignition tag, works every time." He commented wryly while openly laughing at Naruto as the boys jaw hit the ground.

"You... you... " Naruto stuttered out, his brain overloaded from the emotional rollercoaster he just went through. One part of him wanted to cry in relieve that the man didn't really die but another half of him wanted to killed the old coot for pulling the stupidest prank ever on him.

"What? Smart? Handsome? Ingeniously humourously insanely and contagiously hilarious?"

"..you ...you..."

The man (OMG I still haven't named him yet) stared at the stuttering boy. He still has that 'shocked and terrified' look of his face. The man frowned at as he noticed that the boy still hasn't snapped out of it... "I think I might have over done it a bit...bah who cares, there no such thing as too much humor." With that he slowly raised his right arm, as if to punch the boy in the face.

Then he made a farting noise right next to stuttering boy's face.

The said boy suddenly stopped stuttering. He turned around and looked the man in the eyes...

...before started laughing.

Eventually, the blond stopped and looked at the man once again before breaking into a massive grin, much like the one on the said man's face. He began snickering and crying at the same time "Heh heh heh, I've gone insane haven't I?" Naruto asked, sounding very much insane at the moment. Seeing the smiled that crept onto the man's face, the boy's grinned turned into a smile of maniacal proportion.

"Heh heh heh. I always knew that one day the lonliness and the despair will catch up to me. There was no way I could've stayed sane." Slowly but surely his snickers turned into a full blown I-have-just-won-lottery laugher.

Unsure what to say, the man just scratched the back of his neck and said, "You're not insane kid. You're just a bit crazy that's all." The man said with a straight face.

"Bwah ha ha ha ha" Naruto let loose another burst of unrestraint laugher before wiping the tears from his eyes and started quieting down.

"You know, now that I tried it, laughing and smiling ain't half bad, especially when it at jokes like yours. I swear you were on fire. Heh heh heh YOU WERE ON FIRE, MUAH HA HA HA." The blond stated before he started cracking up at his own pun.

The man sweat dropped at the lameness of the boy's joke before shrugging his shoulder and started laughing along with the boy. 'Oh well, he has to start somewhere.'

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Mm… yeah… it's done. Anyway, reviews and let me know if this is any good. Check out my other story while you're at it.

This will only be updated if you guys wanted it.


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